As a mom, there are so many moments that go unseen. The fourth diaper you’ve changed before 9:00AM, the consoling after a meltdown, wiping the floor for the tenth time in one day because your toddler spilt his juice – again. The appointments. The worrying. The guilt. The tears. The sleepless nights. It can be overwhelming, and it can be isolating.
Before Nova was even born I was worried about how I would divide my time. Will Jaiden feel neglected? Will Nova feel neglected? Is having a second child the right thing to do? And after her birth I still struggle at the end of the day with whether I have divided my time between both kids fairly. Did I give them both what they needed? Some days one of them needs me more, and I’m left feeling guilty.
There is only one me to go around, and as the primary caregiver from the time they wake up until 5:00PM on weekdays (and sometimes on weekends depending on Shaun’s work), I’m left feeling conflicted. Was my reaction to Jaiden’s outburst warranted? How could I have handled that situation better? These are the things I reflect on throughout the day…
But I don’t think there will ever be a time I don’t question my parenting, and it is because of that, that I think I am doing a good job. Is any parent perfect? No. There will be days I make mistakes, and times I lay awake at night regretting something that was minuscule and the kids probably won’t remember, but I will. The only thing I can do is take a deep breath, learn from it, and do better next time.
Some days are more challenging than others. Some days I never want to end. But every day I am thankful to have these incredible kids, and be able to soak in all the good, bad, beautiful moments of parenthood.
