Nova is officially 6 months old – which means I am 6 months postpartum. It is a welcome celebration as it was around 6 months postpartum with Jaiden that I started to feel more like myself again. This time, postpartum has been harder. I wasn’t able to sleep when Nova naps because Jaiden has given up on sleeping during the day; and Nova’s sleep patterns at night made it hard to achieve 2 hours rest at a time (let alone fall into a deep sleep). The past 6 months have felt like I’ve been running on empty, fueled by adrenaline and chai tea latte’s – but, just as it did with Jaiden, the 6 month postpartum milestone has allowed me to regain more mental clarity and rest.
It is recommended that your baby sleeps in the same room as you until they are 6 months old. Because of this, we set up a double bed in the nursery and I have spent the past 6 months sleeping in there while Nova sleeps in her crib. This allowed Shaun to get uninterrupted sleep so he could be alert for his physically demanding job. However, after 5 months with little sleep, and being the only person able to feed Nova as she never took to a bottle – irritability and anxiety began.
I had anxiety with Jaiden as well. It began while I was pregnant and lasted until I was 6 months postpartum. I should have known my anxiety would return when I had Nova, but my optimism said otherwise (as well as the fact I was so busy I hardly had time for a thought). This time around, I wasn’t as nervous about Nova because I had gone through the newborn phase with Jaiden and knew what to expect. I was however, nervous for people to hold her – due to the fact the pandemic was still on my mind, and Jaiden spent the first year of his life isolated from the world. My anxiety this time around started in regards to my own health, but it correlates to one sole factor: lack of sleep.
As someone who has always prioritized sleep, as well as battled iron deficiency, 5 months of little sleep took its toll. At the end of the day, I found myself (and still find myself), a bit shaky and dizzy. Despite being exhausted, my mind would not shut off. Thoughts raced as I lay in bed at night trying to sleep: when is Nova’s next vaccine appointment? Did I switch the laundry over from the washing machine to the dryer? Did I set the house alarm? Is the front door locked? Nova is probably going to wake up soon, there’s no point in me attempting to sleep…
But, as Nova is officially 6 months old, I have moved back into our primary bedroom. I am getting better sleep because I am not waking every hour or two when Nova switches positions (despite the monitor being right beside my head on the highest volume possible). And she is sleeping 5-6 hour stints at a time, which has drastically improved my mood and energy levels. I have also started taking more vitamins to help my body get all the nutrients it needs.
It has been a long 6 months, but at the same time, I feel as though we were just in the hospital. It’s true what they say: the days are long, but the years are short. But as my mind becomes more clear, I am getting more rest, and we have established a routine: the panic and anxiety is starting to fade, and my appreciation and gratitude is returning.
