Saying goodbye is never easy, but saying goodbye to someone you love for the last time is indescribable. My husband and I are lucky – we don’t have much experience with loss aside from pets (who become members of the family in their own right); but today, I lost my Grandma (Bubby), after a long battle with dementia.
How do you describe someone that you had such a strong bond with from early childhood? The inside jokes, the memories, the laughter would be lost on anyone who did not experience it. To me, my Grandma can be summed up best through the following:
1. She could bake the best dessert you have ever tasted in your life
2. She had a great sense of humour, that could be quite dark (just like mine)
3. She was outspoken, and you never had to guess what was on her mind
4. If she didn’t like you, you knew it
5. Her love of animals, gardening, and her family, was always apparent
Growing up, her and I would go on adventures – from the park, to a road trip; from spontaneously stopping for ice cream whenever we passed an ice cream shop, to soaking up the sun and water at our cabin – there were always smiles, laughter, and love. Summers during my childhood consisted of spending time at my Grandparents house – visiting both sides of my family, and exploring the town. During the school year, my Grandma would visit frequently, bringing treats and fun activities to spoil me with, and driving me to and from school, as well as my various sports. She dyed my hair a handful of times – even cut my hair when I was younger (only once though, due to the “bowl” cut that resulted). We had running races, movie marathons, candy binge sessions, dessert for breakfast (and lunch… and dinner), and water fights. I was even given the task to pick up pine cones from my Grandparents property when I was younger – I got $1 per pine cone I picked up… needless to say, my husband is a bit bitter with this, as he used to be the “poop man” growing up for their various pets, and he received $0.
When I fell down, my Grandma gave me the encouragement to get back up, when I felt lost, she provided a guiding hand; and in my lowest moments, she gave me the strength I needed to find my confidence, and continue. She had an insecurity (she had partial paralysis on one side of her mouth since birth). She would always ask me to tell my friends about it prior to meeting her, and it always caught me off guard, as I never noticed it – to me, she was just “Bubby”. She used to tell me one of the reasons she married my Grandfather was because he was the only person who never noticed (and if he did, he said nothing). It was one of my first lessons in “don’t judge a book by it’s cover”, and what you may see as a flaw in yourself, someone else will see it as a beautiful, unique attribute. If someone truly loves you, they will love you as you are, and as my Grandma would say, “to hell with the rest of them!”
When I turned 18, my Grandma sent me a couple of letters – all of which I still have. She wrote about how proud she was of me, and the person I became. She wrote about how she cherished our moments together from my childhood, and how they were some of the best of her life. She said: “never doubt yourself, Alyssa”, and finished one of the letters with “you are my shining star, and I wish you a good life.” Although the letters discussed how proud she was of me, and how she hoped to remain in touch and a part of my life for as long as possible, I couldn’t help but feel that deep down, she knew her memory was fading. She wanted to write down her favourite memories, and tell me these things while she still could.
She was and always will be a part of my life. She met my now-husband when we were first dating, and she even remembered his name for a little bit. She managed to come to my wedding, and witnessed me get married; and she met my son – her Great Grandson – through the window of her nursing home when he was a couple of months old, and finally in person just short of 2 weeks ago. Although she could not speak, it gave me comfort knowing that they met (and he probably gave her some extra happiness, as he would have been the first person she has seen without a mask on in over a year).
She was feisty, strong, and fought hard until the end. I will always think back on the times we had and smile, knowing that they were some of the most memorable of my life as well. We shared a special bond, and have amazing memories that I will always cherish. She would always say “life is tough, and then you die”, whenever I complained about something that was truly insignificant; but although life may have hardships, peaks, and valleys – life is filled with beautiful, memorable moments, that will shape you for the better. When it rains, look for rainbows, and when it’s dark, look for stars.
Bubby, I am glad you are finally at peace – the Mt. Tolmie monster told me so. Love you always, Alyssa.
